Flourless Chocolate Espresso Mini Tortes with Chèvre Frosting (Grain-and-Sugar- Free) + Thoughts on Orthorexia

Flourless Chocolate Espresso Mini Tortes with Chèvre Frosting (Grain-and-Sugar- Free) + Thoughts on Orthorexia

I know orthorexia and I know it well.

I know what it’s like to spend every moment of the day thinking about food.

I know what it’s like to feel like any food off of my diet plan was worth spiraling into a binge or at least crying myself to sleep over.

I know what it’s like to feel like just sticking to my diet and losing weight would make the rest of my life somehow perfect.

For anyone still wondering, here’s the simplest definition of “orthorexia”: An obsession with eating foods that one considers healthy.

In my experience, food (and body) obsession is a dark, stifling, and exhausting place to live in.

 

Precious energy is wasted checking our abs in the mirror, weighing our food, or hyperventilating in the bathroom at a party because there’s nothing there that we’re “allowed” to eat.

 

No thank you.

 

That’s not the life I’m interested in…

 

((says the woman sharing grain-and-sugar-free recipes))

 

I know.

 

I seem to contradict myself but that’s exactly why I’ve wanted to share this so openly!!

 

As I’ve grown out of the need for my body to look like a magazine cover and my food to be flawlessly controlled, I’ve picked up a few things.

 

I went through a period when I was healing my disordered eating that I thought EVERYONE WHO WANTED TO BE HEALTHY WAS AN OBSESSED NUTCASE.

 

If they wanted to do a juice fast, I assumed they were a body-obsessed perfectionist.

 

If they wanted to lose weight, I assumed they hated themselves.

 

If they put any structure or care into their diets, my brain screamed ORTHOREXIA!!!

 

But here’s what I’ve learned:

 

Two people can live side by side, doing the same things and living the same life…and one can have orthorexia while the other is completely calm, sane and healthy.

 

Whoah.

 

How do I figure that can be possible?

 

I’ve lived it.

 

Continue reading “Flourless Chocolate Espresso Mini Tortes with Chèvre Frosting (Grain-and-Sugar- Free) + Thoughts on Orthorexia”

Almond Milk Chai with Whiskey + Thoughts on Nourishment Beyond Food

Almond Milk Chai with Whiskey + Thoughts on Nourishment Beyond Food

 

“Why do I eat, and eat, and EAT and never feel satisfied??”

 

I felt bottomless, my appetite surpassing every grown man I knew.

 

At the same time, I was desperate to lose weight.

 

I clung to this hope that once I got food under control and my dream body emerged, life would be magical.

 

I believed this, despite all the times when I HAD lost weight and it still didn’t scratch the itch.

Continue reading “Almond Milk Chai with Whiskey + Thoughts on Nourishment Beyond Food”

Hers & Hers Dark Chocolate Macadamia Cookies (grain & sugar-free, serves 2)

Hers & Hers Dark Chocolate Macadamia Cookies (grain & sugar-free, serves 2)

I used to hunt down single-serve recipes to save myself the pain of either bingeing on the whole batch or avoiding a single bite.

 

A single bite of forbidden food and I’d be spiraling into binge-land.

 

It felt downright monumental the first time I baked a batch of cupcakes with ease.

 

I’d spent so many years fighting myself and fighting food that seeing evidence of healing melted me as quickly as the frosting I piled on those piping hot cupcakes.

 

The secrets to not being crazy around food?

Continue reading “Hers & Hers Dark Chocolate Macadamia Cookies (grain & sugar-free, serves 2)”

How to Cut Back on Caffeine Without Being a Crazy Person

How to Cut Back on Caffeine Without Being a Crazy Person

I was a Flight Attendant on a strict diet when I fell in love with coffee.

My goal?

Juice fast all day, eat one meal when the flight was over, and whittle myself down to those size zero uniform dresses.

I never quite got there because, as you can imagine, when I couldn’t force my body to survive on juice alone – there was bag, after bag, after bag of trail mix.

I picked out the chocolate pieces and raisins, of course, because they weren’t on my list of “diet approved” foods.

It wasn’t until I left the airline job that I began to see my relationship with food as disordered and in the meantime, I did everything I could to maintain my regime.

Enter: coffee. Continue reading “How to Cut Back on Caffeine Without Being a Crazy Person”

How I Met My Wifey (+ Coconut Flour Cinnamon Bark Banana Bread)

How I Met My Wifey (+ Coconut Flour Cinnamon Bark Banana Bread)

I was smitten from the moment I met her.

I was standing at the front of the plane, saying “hello” as cheerily as I could – after having said it to hundreds of people already.

I’d been a Flight Attendant for a couple of years, dwelling in the sweltering city of Las Vegas.

At 21, I hadn’t told anyone but my best friend that I perhaps a tiny bit (okay, maybe a lot a bit) interested in dating girls.

The most daring hint I’d dropped to the rest of the world was briefly changing my Myspace song to Katy Perry’s “I Kissed A Girl”…and really, it was brief.

Releasing perfectionism has come in layers and this was certainly one of them: the “good girl” layer.

The layer where I allowed myself to be labeled as “good” and “sweet” and “the quiet one”.

And while of COURSE one can be a good, sweet, quiet lesbian – the descriptors weren’t the problem – the BOX I was putting myself into was.

Continue reading “How I Met My Wifey (+ Coconut Flour Cinnamon Bark Banana Bread)”

Grapefruit Gin Fizz (essential oils in a cocktail??)

Grapefruit Gin Fizz (essential oils in a cocktail??)

I hosted my first doTERRA party last weekend.

Now, I’m as enthusiastic about selling oils as anyone else but I will NOT be the essential oil lady spending half her party droning on about the nitty gritty of the pyramid scheme.

Not. gonna. happen.

If I’m doing this, it’s because I love the oils and I want that love to show.

I want the OILS to lead, not the sales techniques.

Continue reading “Grapefruit Gin Fizz (essential oils in a cocktail??)”